still in the dark...

so what now?

yup, i'm still in the dark over something i'd rather not talk about now. (but you can refer to my earlier posts).

i'm a bit hesitant to lay it all out to hubby since, it might dampen his spirits and would even add to the burden of looking after the family. but in all seriousness, it's really "weakening my spirit".

it's not that easy to let go of something and hoping there's something better. it's not that easy. not at the rate things are going. this has contributed to a lot of sleepless nights thinking it over. have i lost the drive? or is it the environment i'm in that's making it all complicated? honestly, i love what i'm doing now and i'm willing to give everything i got. but the thing is, there's this big wall that i or perhaps we have to cross over. we just can't break down the wall. the foundation it has created is too strong. (kumbaga malakas ang kapit). there's not enough motivation around. i'm afraid that all the efforts that i want to put into this thing might go to waste or even be bypassed. which i hope not, but with the circumstances... it's not that hard to look into at all.

difficult. decisions. efforts. time. directions

where will this all go?