motherhood...

in times where i feel bummed out and just depressed, one look at these little precious treasures makes my day sunny again. sometimes it's just hard to imagine that these boys are mine. do i really deserve such perfect angels? am i worthy of taking care of them? i'm scared of failing and not being able to nurture them as what a good mother should.

but then, what defines a good mother? is she the one who is with the kids 24/7 watching every move of her offspring? then it would be unfair for a mom like me who slaves day in and day out to find the means to provide for my kids along with my hubby to be called such. would i be called an unfit mother? then how come i was blessed with two wonderful kids if i fall under that category? is motherhood defined as being the one stuck at home doing all the chores at the same time raising the kids to be grown civilized adults?

enough with the senti trip. this is not what this entry is about. i am a good mother. period. ask my kids!!

anyway, i'm just happy that i was blessed with such good kids who i believe understand that i have to be away everyday. but i do make up for all the lost time during the day when they were at their peak. i still make sure that i get to tuck them in no matter how tired or even hungry i am. my kids always comes first, then hubby, then my parents and sibs, then me. sometimes i think that's unfair (considering my libran qualities) but then weighing things down, as long as it's for the best for the people i love, i'm willing to sacrifice. there would be other ME times along the way. but sometimes i choose to spend my me time with the kids and hubby. :)

and speaking of sacrifices, i've done a lot for these kids. when i was single, i was having the grandest time buying anything i want from the salary i was earning that time. it didn't matter if i won't have enough money to save. i was buying books, food, clothes, shoes, bags anything that caught my retail fancy. i was a queen in my own little world with all the luxuries around me. when the kids came, i stopped cold turkey. it was like quitting an addicting habit (which it was, and it is) and surprisingly, it felt good and liberating. and in all seriousness, i never missed it. once or twice in a blue moon, when money permits, i indulge a bit but majority of the things i spend still goes to the kids. when before i could buy 3 pairs of shoes and a cute top, i just buy the one i could use the longest then buy more for the kids. i learned to not be selfish.

amazing how the kids can change something in you that you didn't know you had. and they made you better and stronger in the process.

how cheesy can i get? haha

same goes for hubby. a lot has changed from him too. he learned to handle his temper and be more, say, carefree like his kids and not take life too seriously that it can take over his life. he learned to be a child again. we learned to be children again. we look at things with a child's perspective and curiosity sometimes, because, the simplest things in life are really the best, and well, the simplest really.

am i making sense here at all? am i still within the topic?

and yeah, motherhood is hard but with the kids around, it just gets better. *wink* right mothers?