one toffee nut latte to go please....

i texted my bestfriend a while ago about some pressing issues on what is going on in my life now. right now, she's the only one i could trust. she's the only one that understands and gives the perspective that i need. in this ever turbulent world that i am in, she's my anchor. she was always there. even if we don't see each other on a regualar basis and she's just 4 floors down. i know she's there.

i know when i am with her. i am myself and she accepts who i am. i don't need to pretend that i am a different person so that she could accept me. she knows when's the right time to listen and when to share what she feels. hell, we're actually on the same boat.

i told her that i felt like a ghost. i felt like that lone leaf flying away in the breeze, no one notices it until they look at it closely. i feel microscopic. unnoticed. not that i am craving attention, now that is different. how am i going to put it nicely yet mysterious so as not to step on anyones feelings? it's just that the feeling of being left out is so overwhelming. it feels like the one typecasted as a nobody still gets attention because everybody knows that he/she is a nobody. i'm way beyond that. i'm like a nobody's nobody. ask the nobody and he/she wouldn't know that i exist. i don't belong.

how would you feel if everybody's planning this grand shebang and planning it infront of your face and wouldn't even have the decency to even acknowledge you. tp put it more bluntly, dinadaandaanan lang ako. i have ears too you know. i was gifted with the sense of hearing just like everybody else. sometimes people can be proud that having their noses all up in the air, they can't see where they are going and who they are stepping on. what pride does to the normal human being... baffling really.

i really don't want to vent out tonight when i know that aishi is up there in baguio and there's no one to come home to and receive a nice warm hug that says "it's gonna be alright" and i'm sure my son senses that his mommy is not having the best time of her life either...

aishi come home na... i miss you so much...