and the days couldn't get any worse...

a lot has happened the past few days that i cant seem to catch up with myself...

kyle the toddler... entering the terrible twos..

yes, my little boy has turned into a walking tantrum lately. it's either he's crying his eyes out, throwing his toys around the house, refusing to drink his milk like before and even refusing to eat lunch and dinner no matter how tasty i prepared his food. it's been stressful, yes, handling a toddler with spontaneous emotions. one minute he's all sweet and cute and funny, the next he's a little monster on two feet. sometimes i just want to get mad and shout at him but i, knowing full well that it's not his fault. he's just a kid, would it matter to him if i get mad? no, he'll still continue to cry and be more frustrated at something that's bothering him that he can't fully express yet.

so, this is the part where i learned to breathe and let him be. until the tantrums fade. although, i do forget myself and resort to bribery just so he can eat and finish his food and milk.

actually the real struggle between kyle and i are usually during mealtimes. i'm lucky if i get him to sit down and finish his bowl in one sitting minus the crying. right now, i'm doing my research and finding ways to make mealtimes more appealing to him. if it means cooking all day, then fine, i'll do it. if it means making him healthy pizzas and burgers and sandwhiches and pasta and pretend we bought it from jollibee, then GO!!

and i sure hope this phase ends soon... oh, wait... i have to go through it again, with keon! hahaha

blackout / brownout.. who cares? basta walang kuryente!!

last friday, i woke up around 4 to feed keon when poof! it all went dark. nag brownout. i though how will the kids sleep properly now? they'll be swimming in their own sweat in a matter of minutes! i was really fuming and hoping that the power comes back soon. well, the power did come back, at 11am!! so from 4am until the sun was up, i was fanning my two boys like they were liempo on a grill. kyle was sleeping wearing only his diaper and keon was on his crib, shirtless too.

and when we thought it was over, come 730pm, it happened again. aishi and i decided it was time to bring the kids to mandaluyong. it was too much to bear already seeing them sweating and obviously uncomfy. and the next day, kyle was sporting the latest trend for the summer... prickly heat.

sunday morning

we were still in manda that sunday. aishi and i planned to bring kyle to manila zoo to see some animals. and what better time to bring kyle there, after lunch!! hahaha imagine us three walking around and sweating our heads off. yes, we were that excited to go to manila zoo. the afternoon sun was next to nothing, just to see the animals there. and the best part was, kyle didn't care if he was sweating. he got to see pampa (elephant) and as a "treat" he got to see it poop too before leaving. all throughout the car ride home, he says "pampa, poo poo" hahaha

another funny bit: i asked kyle to call out to the monkeys and wake them up. and guess what he said: "DADA!!" hahaha imagine the inis of aishi when he heard that. :)

and on a sad note...

my lola honey has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the colon. it was too late already to treat it. and when i saw her during my uncle's (her 2nd to the youngest) despedida, she had become too frail and thin and was in a wheelchair since she isn't that mobile anymore and she gets tired easily.

anyway, my mom brought her to the hospital last saturday since my lola was found to have a fever and was already too weak to even eat. she couldn't get the food down anymore so they had to insert a feeding tube through her nose.

that sunday, before we left for manila zoo. i got to call my mom and ask how lola honey's been doing. mama said she was weak and couldn't speak anymore, you have to speak a bit louder for her to hear you and she could only reply by moving her eyebrows. i asked my mom if i could talk to her and personally tell lola to get well (lola doesn't know how serious her sickness is, para she won't worry ). when my mom placed the phone to her ear and i greeted her, i was even happy to greet her. but the reply i got was the whrrr of the feeding tube. right then and there i crumbled and cried my eyes out. half of me was falling to pieces because i know we got a few moments left before lola leaves us for good and just the thought of that has made me cry so hard. io couldn't even get my words straight. lola was actually hearing me cry while talking to her. i actually told her "wag mo muna ako iiwan, hindi ko kaya lola. wag muna please" i could hear her trying to speak but it made it more worse for me and i cried harder. i realized that i could not bear the thought of losing someone. i won't be able to cope with it at all. not this time.

another half of me was silently praying to god to take care of lola honey and not prolong her pain and suffering anymore. i'm happy she was able to see her 2 great grand kids. i could not even describe the glow of happiness in her eyes when she saw kyle and keon. deep down i know she was happy and proud of me and mama.

mama actually accepted the fact that she can go anytime, they actually given lola her last rites already. i just hope that if she does decide to go, she'll be asleep and peaceful.

right now, as i'm typing, the tears had started to flow again. it's just painful to see someone you love so much suffer andyou know that they can go anytime. seriously, i really don't know how i'll be on that day. i might not be able to look after my kids. i just want to stay in my room and cry my eyes out.

please include my lola honey in your prayers that if it's her time to go, let it be peaceful and that god will receive her with open arms beside my lolo....