Jitters...

Delivery Jitters

as much as i want to condition myself that all will be well when i deliver this happy bundle of joy incubating inside my belly, i'm still fearful of the "what ifs". i've only got three months to go before kyle leaves my tummy and he would leave an empty void literally inside me. i've read in some books that the bond that the mother and the baby shares while he/she is inside the womb is a whole lot different with the bond when you're face to face with your own flesh and blood. there's this big difference that you're protecting someone so precious inside you, but once he/she is out into the world, the control diminishes or changes for that matter. you have to compete already with the environment that surrounds the both of you. honestly, i'm scared to let go of the feeling that there's a growing baby in my tummy. but of course, a baby can't grow inside forever...

on with the delivery jitters since i got sidetracked with the mommy emotion. yup. i'm scared, shitting out of my pants on how my delivery will go. i'm totally praying for a normal delivery. i would rather go through the agonizing pain down there and screaming my lungs out than having someone cut me up like lechon prepared for the feast. (yeah, i know, morbid). i would rather experience tha pain of feeling like something is being ripped apart, well that's true actually. but i would rather go through that pain since the healing process would ba normal compared with being cut up and having a permanent scar just above your pubes. i'm honestly scared of sharp objects...

another worry would be what happens after the delivery? here comes the never ending questions... will i carry kyle the proper way once the doctor hands him to me? will he latch on for his first feeding? will i get to see him open his eyes? will aish be there to see him for the first time as well? will my parents and in laws fight over who gets to see the baby first? what will my brothers feel when they see kyle? so many questions... not that many answers.

Kyle's baptism

it's never too early to start planning kyle's baptism. i want him baptized after a month after his birth. i still haven't started on planning this event. but for sure, we got the church already, we're going to have him baptised in Mary the Queen, the church just beside aishi's school. i just have to ask my friend Karlo how much he paid the church to have his son baptized. but my biggest worry is the after party. for sure we're going to hold it in aishi's house coz it can hold a lot of people. my only worry is how many people are we supposed to invite? and of course, the food.

Our 2006 Wedding Plans

i just don't know where to start... hahahahaha

it feels like all the money's going out and nothing is coming in!!! when will we have enough money to save up for our future and our sons' future? i'm not yet in my 30's or 40's and i'm stressed out like this!! i just want to scream at the top of my lungs!!

is this how a quarter-life crisis feels like?